COWBOY PLAYS A Game of 52 Soaphorse Operas

COWBOY PLAY #1

SCENE: The Forest

SQUIRREL #1: Nuts!

SQUIRREL #2: Nuts!

SQUIRRELS #1 & #2: Delicious!

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #2

SCENE: The Fireplace

LOG #1: I’m burning!

LOG #2: I’m burning!

LOGS #1 & #2: Rather not!

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #3

SCENE: Hugging, his hands in her slacks.

SHE: Is it me you’re kissing, or do I simply mean
something to you?

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #4

LEGIONAIRE: Never!!! (pause) Well, maybe.

OUR GAL: Never!!! (pause) Never!!!

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #5

EMPTY: I wanna be full.

FULL: Do you really?

EMPTY: Have I any choice?

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #6

SCENE: The Revolution

ONE: Shall I?

TWO: Have you any choice?

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #7

SCENE: Inferno, the ninth circle.

2nd DIGGER: Since you can ask, I do not understand
the question.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #8

SCENE: Nature, as perfected for soliloquys – angels flitting about.

TRAGEDIAN: I suffer from timelessness, or is it willessness?
I suffer from willessness, or is it…

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #9

A: Blast!

B: Glad to oblige! (blast!)

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #10

SHE: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…

HE: 1, 2, 3, 4…

SHE: 1, 2, 3…

HE: 1, 2…

SHE: 1…

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #11

HE: Gentle me, hurt me.

SHE: Hurt me, gentle me.

ANOTHER: Better start again.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #12

NOSE: If I were God, I doubt I’d do much better than
he did with me.

FINGER: I doubt that, dear.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #13

HAVE: I can make it, but I can’t make it.

HAVE NOT: I can shake it, but I can’t shake it.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #14

HE: On Church we play –

THEY: – In church we pray.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #15

SHE: The only good women I’ve ever known,
have been men.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #16

EL HOMBRE: Quien Sabe?

LA CHIQUITA: Quien Sabe?

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #17

IN: Are you in?

OUT: I don’t think so.

IN: Wait a minute baby.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #18

LOST 1: Where are you?

LOST 2: I don’t know.

LOST 1: I can’t find you.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #19

YOU: I am here, and I have nothing to say.

I: I am here, and I have nothing to say.

WE: We must be in love.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #20

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #21

SCENE: The barn.

SHE: We swallow and something happens to us.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #22

CAT: I never met a bird I didn’t like.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #23

A: A blessed event.

B: Bawww!

C: It’s you!

B: Twist Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

C: Goodbye!

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #24

SCENE: Thousand of nameless chicks in mod dresses – dancing in front of mirrors
– with one melancholy mod man.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #25

He can carry her on his shoulders – and he does.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #26

TODDLER: When I grow up I’m going to be even bigger than I am.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #27

SHE: Damn! I’ve been robbed.

HE: So what else is new.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #28

SCENE: Among the hoopies.

SHE: Anyone who wants me gets me. Now I’m really alone.
Is that what I meant?
(sound of flowers opening)

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #29

RATTLESNAKE: I’d rather rattle than strike.

COWBOY: I’d rather strike than fight.

RATTLESNAKE: Let’s switch for a while.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #30

A: They talk about cobalt.

B: We talk about milk.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #31

SCENE: In a grotto.

A wizard raises his eyebrows.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #32

SCENE: On a boat.

Slow kettledrums. A cow gives birth.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #33

TART: You’re sweet.

CAKE: You’re sweet.

TART: Let’s gobble it all up. We must be in love.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #34

HE: I love to reach out at night and touch you.

SHE: I’m tired.

HE: I like mornings too.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #35

UNCOOKED: I saw a dead one.

COOKED: Was she stiff?

UNCOOKED: Not very.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #36

SCENE: The Prairie.

HE: I love you.

SHE: Why?

HE: Damned if I know. (goes away)

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #37

YOU: Go To hell!

ME: Why not?

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #38

GLASSY 1: Is one enough?

GLASSY 2: Are two or three?

GLASSY 1: Guess it deponds on how much you
can see in one.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #39

SCENE: In a spaghetti factory.

ONE: No!

TWO: I agree!

Possibly an omelette emerges from the nearest spaghetti machine.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #40

ONE: No, I don’t want it.

TWO: I do.

ONE: So do I.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #41

SCENE: Springtime

SHE: When I am naked I have more to take
off than I do now.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #42

EGG ONE: I’m an egg.

EGG TWO: So am I.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #43

SCENE: At a nudists’ convention.

BARTENDER: I have no wings.

INGENUE: So I can see.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #44

SCENE: In a delicatessen.

SPHINX 1: This lox is better than that.

SPHINX 2: I’ll take that.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #45

SENIOR SHE: Well, I never…!

SENIOR HE: I believe you.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #46

ONE: Oh, give me a home…

TWO: It’s yours.

ONE: No, it isn’t.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #47

ONE: If I wanted to, would I?

TWO: Of course not.

ONE: Why not?

TWO: You have no wings.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #48

HE: I want you. I want you bad.

SHE: Well, since you ask, no.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #49

DUR #1: Merdre!

DUR #2: Ou? Rideau.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAYS #50

SCENE: A dice game.

DEATH: Crapped out!

WIND: Sorry, dad!

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #51

ONE: One.

TWO: Two.

CURTAIN

COWBOY PLAY #52

SCENE: Two men, two cafe tables.

ONE: I’m meeting him at 3 o’clock.

TWO: I’m meeting him at three o’clock.

(clock strike three times)

ONE & TWO: Well hi! Been waiting long?
Good to see you !

CURTAIN

JOKER: Play act.

EXTRA JOKER: Play Poker.











































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