COWBOY PLAYS – A Game of 52 Soaphorse Operas
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COWBOY PLAY #1
SCENE: The Forest
SQUIRREL #1: Nuts!
SQUIRREL #2: Nuts!
SQUIRRELS #1 & #2: Delicious!
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #2
SCENE: The Fireplace
LOG #1: I’m burning!
LOG #2: I’m burning!
LOGS #1 & #2: Rather not!
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #3
SCENE: Hugging, his hands in her slacks.
SHE: Is it me you’re kissing, or do I simply mean
something to you?
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #4
LEGIONAIRE: Never!!! (pause) Well, maybe.
OUR GAL: Never!!! (pause) Never!!!
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #5
EMPTY: I wanna be full.
FULL: Do you really?
EMPTY: Have I any choice?
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #6
SCENE: The Revolution
ONE: Shall I?
TWO: Have you any choice?
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #7
SCENE: Inferno, the ninth circle.
2nd DIGGER: Since you can ask, I do not understand
the question.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #8
SCENE: Nature, as perfected for soliloquys – angels flitting about.
TRAGEDIAN: I suffer from timelessness, or is it willessness?
I suffer from willessness, or is it…
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #9
A: Blast!
B: Glad to oblige! (blast!)
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #10
SHE: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
HE: 1, 2, 3, 4…
SHE: 1, 2, 3…
HE: 1, 2…
SHE: 1…
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #11
HE: Gentle me, hurt me.
SHE: Hurt me, gentle me.
ANOTHER: Better start again.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #12
NOSE: If I were God, I doubt I’d do much better than
he did with me.
FINGER: I doubt that, dear.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #13
HAVE: I can make it, but I can’t make it.
HAVE NOT: I can shake it, but I can’t shake it.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #14
HE: On Church we play –
THEY: – In church we pray.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #15
SHE: The only good women I’ve ever known,
have been men.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #16
EL HOMBRE: Quien Sabe?
LA CHIQUITA: Quien Sabe?
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #17
IN: Are you in?
OUT: I don’t think so.
IN: Wait a minute baby.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #18
LOST 1: Where are you?
LOST 2: I don’t know.
LOST 1: I can’t find you.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #19
YOU: I am here, and I have nothing to say.
I: I am here, and I have nothing to say.
WE: We must be in love.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #20
–
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #21
SCENE: The barn.
SHE: We swallow and something happens to us.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #22
CAT: I never met a bird I didn’t like.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #23
A: A blessed event.
B: Bawww!
C: It’s you!
B: Twist Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
C: Goodbye!
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #24
SCENE: Thousand of nameless chicks in mod dresses – dancing in front of mirrors
– with one melancholy mod man.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #25
He can carry her on his shoulders – and he does.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #26
TODDLER: When I grow up I’m going to be even bigger than I am.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #27
SHE: Damn! I’ve been robbed.
HE: So what else is new.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #28
SCENE: Among the hoopies.
SHE: Anyone who wants me gets me. Now I’m really alone.
Is that what I meant?
(sound of flowers opening)
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #29
RATTLESNAKE: I’d rather rattle than strike.
COWBOY: I’d rather strike than fight.
RATTLESNAKE: Let’s switch for a while.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #30
A: They talk about cobalt.
B: We talk about milk.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #31
SCENE: In a grotto.
A wizard raises his eyebrows.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #32
SCENE: On a boat.
Slow kettledrums. A cow gives birth.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #33
TART: You’re sweet.
CAKE: You’re sweet.
TART: Let’s gobble it all up. We must be in love.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #34
HE: I love to reach out at night and touch you.
SHE: I’m tired.
HE: I like mornings too.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #35
UNCOOKED: I saw a dead one.
COOKED: Was she stiff?
UNCOOKED: Not very.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #36
SCENE: The Prairie.
HE: I love you.
SHE: Why?
HE: Damned if I know. (goes away)
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #37
YOU: Go To hell!
ME: Why not?
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #38
GLASSY 1: Is one enough?
GLASSY 2: Are two or three?
GLASSY 1: Guess it deponds on how much you
can see in one.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #39
SCENE: In a spaghetti factory.
ONE: No!
TWO: I agree!
Possibly an omelette emerges from the nearest spaghetti machine.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #40
ONE: No, I don’t want it.
TWO: I do.
ONE: So do I.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #41
SCENE: Springtime
SHE: When I am naked I have more to take
off than I do now.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #42
EGG ONE: I’m an egg.
EGG TWO: So am I.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #43
SCENE: At a nudists’ convention.
BARTENDER: I have no wings.
INGENUE: So I can see.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #44
SCENE: In a delicatessen.
SPHINX 1: This lox is better than that.
SPHINX 2: I’ll take that.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #45
SENIOR SHE: Well, I never…!
SENIOR HE: I believe you.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #46
ONE: Oh, give me a home…
TWO: It’s yours.
ONE: No, it isn’t.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #47
ONE: If I wanted to, would I?
TWO: Of course not.
ONE: Why not?
TWO: You have no wings.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #48
HE: I want you. I want you bad.
SHE: Well, since you ask, no.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #49
DUR #1: Merdre!
DUR #2: Ou? Rideau.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAYS #50
SCENE: A dice game.
DEATH: Crapped out!
WIND: Sorry, dad!
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #51
ONE: One.
TWO: Two.
CURTAIN
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COWBOY PLAY #52
SCENE: Two men, two cafe tables.
ONE: I’m meeting him at 3 o’clock.
TWO: I’m meeting him at three o’clock.
(clock strike three times)
ONE & TWO: Well hi! Been waiting long?
Good to see you !
CURTAIN
JOKER: Play act.
EXTRA JOKER: Play Poker.
