Like most everybody else don’t like to be broke, that means I like money. Reaching in my pocket and feeling paper gives me meaning. But if I was to gamble in London with two best friends, I’d bring along credit cards. I’d feel uncomfortable if I was to bank out of neighbourhood and was told then insisted that my personal cheque was of no value, but on the same hand, I’d feel short if I was to treat aesthetic realism friends to dinner only to find I had small change.
Like most everybody else I like to be entertained, that means I usually watch television. Prime time variety shuts me down. But when I festival with ‘new school’ friends, I get in deep with Bergman’s black and white. I’d feel funny backgrounding Friday nite poker with message and medium, but on the other hand, I’d feel silly if I visited minimal friends and brought along my baseball cards for trade.
Like most everybody else I like to feel healthy, that means I try to stay young. Plenty of C and aid keeps me fit. But when I body build at gym where everyone is veed and ‘chinned up’, I pump iron. (studio black background voices repeat ‘chinned up’). I’d feel funny all day at the beach under an umbrella checking coop list, but on the other hand I’d feel self-conscious if I came for a morning meal at the farm, mirrored and oiled.
Like most everybody else I like to fall in love, that means I usually try to gain the friendship and respect of someone who can fulfill my needs. But when I’m horny and need a fuck or a blow job or both, I’ll meet someone, get complete control and tell them lies. It would get complicated if I had two lovers and I had to reject the one I wanted immediately for the one I wanted in the future, but on the same hand, I wouldn’t feel, if I saved my love for someone I really really liked and found out later they had given theirs away.
Like most everybody else I like to travel, that means a two hour freeway to plug the trailer in time for a cockout. But when I vacation, where everybody is tourist, I package seven cities into six days. I’d feel funny ferrying the airstream around while island hopping, but on the other hand, I’d feel left out if I had stayed home Saturday and Sunday and found out Monday stores were closed and everybody wan on a three day weekend holiday.
Like most everybody else I don’t like to be lonely, that means I haven’t seen anyone I’ve known or talked to anyone I haven’t known all day sometimes for three days only constantly to myself usually while I’m thinking a camera is following shooting me. Realizing suddenly that underneath it all the woman I married is a monster, I drive down slow where I can get love and don’t have to give it back. I wouldn’t feel any good if the only conversation I had all day was teller talk to a man behind a small black curtain in small brown box in a large freezing church, but on the same hand I wouldn’t feel better if I bought a small no hair dog with a back and forth tongue squeak bark and trained to keep me company.
Like most everybody else I like to get high. That means I usually drink, snort a line, or listen to a good tenor. A couple of imported beers gets me into the mood. But when I commune, where everybody is eastern, I breathe through the stomach and meditate on ‘the way’. I’d feel funny I was to lotus on the bar stool, but on the other hand, I’d feel paranoid if I was to astro-project yoga class.
Like most everybody else I like to get a good nite sleep. That means a nap and to bed at ten thirty makes me feel rested. But when the weekend comes, and everybody shines, shaves, and shampoos, I like to get wasted. I’d feel like a was in a ‘human press’ the next day if I had been videoing auto-destructive art with narrative friends on a Wednesday week-nite, but on the other hand I’d feel embarrassed if I doubled to the drive-in on Saturday and fell asleep snoring during intermission countdown.
Like most everybody else I like to feel satisfied, that means I usually enjoy sex, having an orgasm makes me feel good. But when I party, where everyone is Levi’d and flared, I try to take both hands out of my pockets. I’d feel funny if I was to park with my girl and asked her to snap the rubber bands around my legs, but on the other hand I’d feel foolish if I was to orgy with wesson-oil friends, masturbate and then fall asleep.
Like most everybody else I like to feel comfortable. That means I usually war sport clothes, a long sleeve sport shirt and a pair of slacks makes me feel relaxed, but when I go some place where everyone is dressed up, I wear a suit and a tie. I’d feel funny if I lounged around, all dressed up, and on the other hand I would be comfortable if I went some place dressy and wore my sport clothes.
Like most everybody else I like to go hungry. That means I usually eat everything quick and handy. A sandwich and chips makes me feel full. But when I commune where everyone is natural I enjoy homecooked eggplant and orange squash all alone, but on the other hand I’d feel full of embarrassment if I was to eat with healthful friends and brought along snacks.
[From: Tracks, No. 2, fall, 1976, pp. 41-46. Image: Richard Prince, Joke on you.]